cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Randomize