After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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