My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
