is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
