My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
