so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
