i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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