im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
