You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
