this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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