My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
