he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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