Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
