4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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