I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My first STD was from a foam party
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
