i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
