worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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