I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We left an ass print on the piano.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
