So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wear drunk well.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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