I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
