I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
