How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
