Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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