Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
