I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
