He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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