its not stalking. its research.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
