Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
