erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize