I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
