Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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