So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
