She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
