Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
