I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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