do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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