O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
