I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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