So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
