just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
