can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
