im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
