i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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