Soap is not a condiment
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
