If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
