just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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