i don't like sucking hair
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
