'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
