fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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