I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
