Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
how drunk are you?
Several
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
