I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
