Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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