i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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