There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
