I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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