Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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