when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
