i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
