dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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