Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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