So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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