So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
whose parrot is this?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
