before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
