You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
