Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
