Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
