I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
