I wannas sexs uuuuu
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
