I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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