he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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