Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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