i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
