She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
