Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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