too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
