Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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