idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
