I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize