My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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