the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
