summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
