The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Are we still banned from the library?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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