Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
