last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
