the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
