You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
