When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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