chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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