I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you had me at cake vodka
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
