FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
