your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
