I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
