I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
