I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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