I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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